1. Unconditional Love
2. Out and proud

Unconditional Love
(San Diego PFLAG parent)

Every single day, Art hears some kind of gay joke or comment made by the people he works with. This may not bother some, but as a 26-year veteran of the police force, Art says he doesn't appreciate the comments nor does he tolerate it - especially coming from those sworn to protect everyone. "It just tears me apart to hear those things from my peers because now it's about my daughter," Art says.

Believing that he was open-minded and accepting of all kinds of people, he was put to the test two years ago when his wife, Pamela, told him that his oldest child is gay. "My wife was helping Michelle move home from college when I got, 'the call,'" Art says. "I was up all night...in turmoil...thinking what had I done wrong? Maybe I was too hard on her...all these things about me". Art says when he realized that this wasn't about him but about his daughter, that's when the acceptance began. "I picked up the phone and told her, 'I don't understand this, but I love you.' It was important that my daughter knew that I loved her no matter what."

The father of three, went on to say that having a child doesn't mean you can place conditions on how to love them. "When I had my daughter, I didn't say I am going to love this child as long as she is this, this and this," Art says, "I saw her and I knew that I loved her more than anything else in the world. Just because she is gay, it doesn't change anything. "My daughter is a beautiful girl who is entitled to be who she is. I'll support her until I am not around, and I am not going to apologize for that. I love her and I always will."

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Dad is proud of 'out-and-proud' son
David and his wife have two sons living in Los Angeles. The oldest is straight and married, and the youngest, Andy is gay and in a committed relationship. "My son was 25 when he came out, on April 22, of 1995," David says. "He was able to come out young enough to really live the life he should be living. We went to our first PFLAG meeting a couple weeks later. We learned that there were plenty of gay couples who have long-term relationships, and we envisioned that it would happen for our son.

"I'm from New York. My experience of what a gay man was, was once a year on Gay Pride, they used to show the men dressed up as women. When my son Andy came out, I looked at him and I said: "How could he be gay? He's not wearing three-inch heels, a dress, lipstick or rouge.' That was my preconceived notion. When I went to work the following Monday after Andy came out, I told everybody at work that my son was gay, because we would innocently sit around tables and tell all these jokes that are no longer funny when it's your son.

"I have a lot of proud moments as a father. I have two wonderful boys. They're both attorneys, they both were excellent students. We just got back from L.A. where our son registered with his partner as domestic partners. We were thrilled, because we met our son's partner's family."

David offers the following advice for other fathers whose son or daughter might be coming out: "It is not their fault," he says. "The parent usually thinks that it's something that they did. It's not a choice. People just don't rationally make decisions that make their life more difficult than it has to be. Educate yourselves to love your children."

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