For the love of Pete
Art Wirth, author of "Beyond Acceptance"

Hearing stories of how others have dealt with issues similar to your own may help you strengthen your relationship with your family. This is only the beginning of your journey. PFLAG can connect you with other people and families that have faced and tackled issues similar to your own.

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For the love of Pete
by Gene Shalit
You know, that guy with the bushy hair and mustache on NBC's Today Show

My eldest son, Pete, is a physician, he's gay, he and his partner have been together for 17 years, and I wish we'd see each other more often. He graduated from the University of Washington Medical School in Seattle, where he now lectures and has a private practice. He is a Ph.D. in genetics; he was a Phi Beta Kappa at Cornell as an undergraduate; he was a prodigy in botany, beginning to grow plants at 6; and his currently finishing a book about gay men's health. Among other expertise, he is an authority on AIDS, with a great many patients. Peter is humane and intelligent, and I am crazy about him.

One day, home from Cornell, he asked me to his room where he announced that he was gay. Since this was some two decades ago, I was extremely concerned about about his physical safety and the consequences to his career. Remember, it was 1973, not now (and now ain't too hot either). Open bigotry was far more widespread. Many of today's empty closets were then crowded. I would have been unnatural for me not to of been concerned. Peter has asked if I wondered if his upbringing resulted in his being gay. I can't imagine it ( although he says we definitely discussed it), any more than my daughter's upbringing resulted in her being left-handed. My six children are individuals working in diverse fields. In Peter's case, I rarely think about his being gay unless it's brought up, any more than I ponder my other children's being evidently heterosexual. Some of my best friends are heterosexuals. If I have any regrets, it is that Peter has no children. He would have terrific kids, and he'd be a wonderful father.

I have covered the performing arts for network TV and national magazines for almost 50 years. Women and men in theater, film, music, art, and dance exhibit every personal proclivity. As a critic, I don't judge individuals; I judge an individual's work. Groups are mosaics: There are wonderful Norwegians and awful Norwegians, good Episcopalians and boring Episcopalians, nice gays and gross gays, lousy presidents and great presidents. Many parents lie awake at night wondering if they played a role in the sexual orientation of their child. I think they should go back to sleep. Each child is an individual. Speaking personally, mine are in constant touch with their brothers and sisters, and their love for each other is the most joyous aspect in my life. My credo has always been: Let children follow their own star.

Shalit is a self-described "movie critic" or "arts editor" or You know, that guy with the bushy hair and mustache on NBC's Today Show.

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About Art Wirth
by Carolyn Griffin

Wirth died on June 7, l999 in Santa Rosa, California, after a long battle with cancer. He is survived by his wife, Marian, and their three children; Vicki Legion, Scott Wirth, and Patty Kipnes.

Art came out in support of his gay son as well as other gays and lesbians when it wasn't fashionable to do so. He and Marian were supportive when there was little accurate information about homosexuality In the seventies being an advocate for homosexuals was rare. All that was heard was the voice of Anita Bryant and other tyrants who condemned our children. But Art spoke out and helped start St. Louis PFLAG. He and Marian walked in the first gay pride parade in St. Louis and continued to do so until he left the area. He worked diligently with the parents' group from 1978 until he and Marian moved to Santa Rosa in the spring of l998. For years he provided the group with excellent speakers. He also gave a support to the parents and other family members of those who are gay or lesbian.

Art was a writer, a fine one. He wrote many books that were relevant to his work as an education professor at Washington University here in St. Louis. He also collaborated with Marian and me on our book, "Beyond Acceptance." Many of you have read his letters of support of the gay community. He loved making his views known. He sent letters to the Post Dispatch, to his local legislators, to his state legislators, and to his national legislators. Art looked for opportunities to speak out about gay rights. He and Marian traveled all over the world and often talked to people about having a gay son and for gay rights. He gave speeches at his church, his school, and on TV and radio. Within the last few months he and Marian spoke to the people at their retirement community about PFLAG. His voice will be missed.

I will miss Art for other reasons. He could always make me laugh. His gentle humor fit any situation we found ourselves in during all the years we worked for our children's rights. When we finished Beyond Acceptance it was his idea to celebrate the accomplishment by sharing a Snickers Bar, the favorite candy of the three of us. He always let me know that he appreciated what I did and how I did it, and he showed Rod and me compassion as we dealt with AIDS in our family.

Art loved music, reading, and exercising. He loved the Rocky Mountain and camped on his and Marian's property there for years. He was always interested in new ideas and liked nothing better than a lively political discussion. He loved his wife, his children, his sister. He kept up with those men who served in World War II with him. He appreciated his past while keeping up with current happenings. He was willing to work hard at understanding himself.

Art was my friend, a word that has deep meaning for me. Rod and I last saw him in October when we visited him and Marian in Santa Rosa. He made jokes about his illness, but he also talked about the seriousness of his situation. Art looked at life squarely with courage and bravery.

Art Wirth made his mark on this world. He made a difference. He made this society a better place for all of us.

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